Monday, March 4, 2013

This is what I would like to say to you continued...

Keri, Michael & Candace,
I am so sorry that your mom had to leave this Earth way before her time. I miss her often as I know you do too.  I sometimes feel bad because I am so thankful that I am still blessed to have my mom in my life.  Janet was such a wonderful person.  I will cherish our mom and daughter trip to the most magical place on Earth with my mom, Keri and Janet.  We made such GREAT memories in just a short amount of time.  I know that she is proud of each of you and I know that she is looking down on you and is in your hearts each and every day.  Keri, I love you!  You have always been there for me as my supportive angel!  I love laughing with you and talking to you about nothing and everything.  Thank you for always being here for me no matter what! 

Kevin and Jason,
I too am sorry for the lose of your mother, Jane.  She was such a great person.  I loved her laugh!  She would get tickled and could barely talk.  I know that you both miss her as does your dad.  Just remember that you have a big family here in Licking County that loves you all and misses you so don't isolate yourselves up in your own little neck of the woods. 

You frustrate me so with your wishy washy decisions.  You are a good mother and a caring individual.  Just remember to enjoy your life and your children and remember that you aren't the only person who can take care of them.  You need to find time for you and take care of yourself so that you can really be there for your children both in body and mind.  You and I have been friends for a very long time and we have gone through many of things together.  I love you and will ALWAYS be here for you no matter what.  Just don't forget that.  If you ever need me just ask.

I wish I knew why this is such a one-sided friendship.  I just don't understand.  You and I have known each other for a very long time and I feel like you don't even care or that doesn't even matter.  I get that you are a guy and guys don't really show emotion but everyone needs a friend every now and again.  I miss you!  I hope that you are happy.  I would hate to see you go through life and not be happy.  Martha is a good woman and a good mother to your children.  Love her the way that she deserves to be loved and show her everyday that you love her.  This would not only please her but please God.

You are an amazing friend.  I really feel like friend doesn't even correctly describe what we are, more like sisters.  You love me unconditionally and fear for my future and you tell me.  This helps me and scares me.  I know everything that you talk about but you actually have the courage to tell me outloud and for this I am thankful.  I know that you do it because you love and care about me and my family.  I care for you more than you will know.  I am so proud to be your friend.  You are such a strong, confident and courageous woman!  I admire you and aspire to be like you.  I don't say this to pressure you or to make you feel uncomfortable but to just express how I feel.  Thank you for loving my son!  He loves you so much and for that I am extremely thankful! 

To be continued......

Saturday, March 2, 2013

What I would like to tell you...

Amanda, I love you with all of my being.  I am so appriciative that you support and love me so unconditionally!  Thank you for giving me a most wonderful son.  I never thought I could love a person so much.  Thank you for wanting to explore new things and take crazy adventures with me.  Sometimes my heart aches for you when you are so hard on yourself.  I wish that your relationship with your parents was better and more supportive and happy.  I hope that someday you will be able to talk to them and tell them how they make you feel because you deserve to feel happy all of the time.  Even though I am exhausted and joke that I don't think we should have anymore children I really hope that we can have just one more so that Keegan can have a sibling.  If that never happens I will not be sad though because Keegan is pretty spectacular!

Keegan, oh my I love you!  I love all of you inside and out.  You are so happy and whitty and just plain funny and a joy to be around.  You make me smile daily and I miss you when I am away from you.  I want to be here for you for a long, long time.  So I am making this promise to you that I will do my best to make good healthy choices every day so that I will be around for you!  It is so hard to make good choices and see what it is doing to me but somehow I will try and maybe this blog will help!  I love you more than that sunrise, I love you more than the day, I love you more than the sunset at night! 

Mom, I am so thankful to have you here in my life!  I am thankful that you have been able to beat cancer.  I really do not know what life would be like without you here.  You have been an inspiration to me through your independence and your ability and need to give back to your community.  I am so thankful that I have learned that it is important to give back!  Giving back does not always mean you have to give money but it can mean giving time!  You are such a good person!  I love you!

Dad, you and I are so much a like that sometimes we butt heads!  I love this!  It drives me crazy but I love it!  I hope that you are happy.  Sometimes I feel that you have a heavy heart and you don't express what you are feeling (sounds like me)!  I hope that someday you will learn to express how you feel.  Thank you for always taking care of me.  I always know that I can call and talk to you about anything and all you will do is support me and tell me how proud of me you are.  Can I tell you that I love when you write me notes.  You used to write me supportive notes at just the right times and you haven't done that in a really long time.  I hope that you will start again.  It really does help!  I love you!

Timmy, I am so proud of you and your work ethic! I am happy that you seem to have found a really great career that YOU are proud of.  I hope that it takes you where you want to go.  I also want to tell you that I admire the father that you are.  You are such a good dad to Jensen.  I hope that I am as good of parent to Keegan as you are to Jensen.  She adores you and is so much like you.  I want you to know that I am always here to listen, love and support you.  Just don't forget!

Jennifer, you are so great!  I love that you are part of our family.  Your silly sense of humor, your excellent cooking skills and your support of Jensen make me smile!  I want you to know that I hope you are proud of yourself for the person you are.  You are a beautiful, successful and loving individual who deserves to be happy.  I hope that your life is making YOU happy.  One thing I have learned is that you aren't any good to anyone else if you aren't happy with yourself. 

Jensen, I am so proud of you.  Over the past several years you have blossomed into a beautiful, confident yound lady.  Your voice and musical ability amaze me everytime I hear it.  I am so thankful that you love music and have embraced it the way you have.  I cannot wait to watch you grow up and see where life takes you.  Whatever you do enjoy the ride and remember to do things in life that make you happy!  I love you!

Granny, you rock!  I love that you drink beer in the afternoons and where stonewashed jeans!  I love that you are so supportive and always have an open door.  I love spending time with our big family at the lake house and can't imagine ever not having a place at the lake to go.  I love that every year we make popcorn balls and scrubbies as a Christmas tradition.  I will continue to do this until I am no longer here on this Earth or I can not long do so.  I know everytime I see you, you talk about your hands not working and you're just getting old and won't be around forever but you know's not your time so stop sitting around and waiting for it.  You have to live life each day and be thankful for all of the amazing blessing that you have been given over the years.  I love you (even though we aren't really a mushy family).  Oh and by the know where sympathy lies in the dictionary right?  Between shit and shinola!

Gram and Gramps Gartner, you two drive me crazy but I have to say that I love you.  I don't understand why I feel this way but I feel like you have put all of your love toward certain individuals in our family and not others.  I feel like part of the others.  This may be my issue and I may have put feelings on you that you don't feel at all.  I just have felt that because of your religious views I have been looked down upon because of things I have done in my life.  Gramps, I wish that you weren't so grumpy all the time.  I fear that my dad is kinda taking on your grumpness and I don't like it.  Life is too short to be grumpy.  Gram, I really enjoyed taking you to Jensen's play and actually getting to talk to you about real things.  I hope that you conveyed those things to gramps so that he has a little peek into my life as well. 

Okay well that is enough for now but I will continue this with more people that I want to tell things too!

Spring Cleaning

Well here goes another attempt at blogging.  I really don't know why I have such a hard time keeping this updated.  I have so much to say so I really don't know what my problem is.  So I shall try this again.

Today Amanda and I spent almost the entire day cleaning our home.  We're talking sweeping, mopping, dishes, scrubing the toilet and sink, putting away clothes, etc.  I think that when we work together to accomplish the cleaning it is so nice.  That way neither of us feels like we are doing it all ourselves.  So the house looks and smells amazing!  Thank goodness!  Now just to keep up with it!

The other thing that has been on my mind is family.  It is amazing to me how different families have such different dynamics.  I recently had dinner with my granny and she is such an interesting individual.  She has always just supported her family and stayed out of everyone's business when they are making poor choices.  She never judges people.  I aways thought that Gartner side of my family had issues but frankly eveyone has issues.  My job is not to judge their issues but support them and let them know that I care about them.

My next post is going to be about my family and what I want to tell them!